Now that the kids are getting older it gets easier
Small children, small worries. Big kids, big worries. How often this has been said to me since I became a mother. Like ‘enjoy them, before you know it they are big’. That worry may well be true.
But is it really easier?
A new mom
As a new mother I was a lot more insecure than nowadays and I can put my worries in perspective more and more. The saying ‘before you know it they are big’ that is absolutely true. Time goes by so fast, just over half a year and then we will have a teenager in the house, help! What I do notice is that it is all getting easier, not only because I have been around as a mother for a while now, but mainly because they are becoming so independent.
They don’t always need me anymore, but on the other hand they absolutely cannot live without me either.
The first years have been tropical years.
The first years with the boys were tropical years. Sometimes I found it heavy, so heavy. They are almost two years apart and I sometimes jokingly say that the eldest was put out of the baby carriage, because as soon as his brother arrived, he had to walk. No more carrying or driving, he walked.
That it was hard was partly because of their chronic illness, operations, hospitalizations and the care they needed every day.
It is just heavy
But also just because it was heavy. Nothing more nothing less. It is not easy and at that time it does not seem to get any easier either.
Two children under two years. After the first hard time came a time when we had much more peace and regularity in our home and in our lives and I noticed that in everything. The heaviness of motherhood is gone.
I still had a hard time now and then, but not like the first years.
Nine years of motherhood
Not only have I been a mother for nine years, I have also been needed at home for nine years, always. Because of their illness, they need care every day and that means I’m always there. I cannot be away for more than a day.
A night out can just about do, but longer than one night is not possible. It will be some time before my husband and I can go out together. And that’s not a bad thing at all, we know it and because of the care the boys are doing really well. Although sometimes I do look at others with envy!
When I read that they are going away for a weekend together.
The children manage fine
But anyway, back to independent. What I really like about the age the boys are now, is that they can take care of themselves. When I ask if they want to take a shower, get dressed or help set the table, it all goes smoothly.
Their independence gives me a little more freedom. The oldest can stay alone for a while when I take the youngest to soccer. They play together outside, without me having to be there.
Independence from school
Even at school they participate in this independence and do so with the ‘Easter box’. Where every year the Easter breakfast was provided by school. Do the kids have to do it themselves this year. They’ve been given a bill with a classmate’s breakfast and it all has to be taken to school in a decorated shoe box.
The letter clearly stated that the children had to decorate the box themselves. And not parents, coincidentally I read a piece about this in the Parool recently.
So it gets easier
As they get older and more independent, it certainly gets easier. Now and then it’s as if they don’t need me at all. But luckily they still fight for my hand every morning, they ’re not willing to go to sleep at night before they’ve cuddled extensively and mom’s lap is still the best place when they’re in pain, sick or tired.
No matter how independent they become, I am and always will be their mommy friend.